Case Study: From the Edge of Divorce to the Strongest Marriage of His Life

A trusted friend had suggested Destin could help me through my struggle with sexual stamina and performance, and in the process build up my self-confidence. My relationship with my wife, Eve, had stagnated. We were on the verge of divorce.

Now, six months later, did I get what I was looking for? In short: Yes, and my sexual “performance” was only the starting place on my path to finding the passion and purpose I’d been missing my entire life, despite being “successful” on paper. I had met all the criteria society set for having a fulfilling life, yet I remained unhappy. Here’s some of how my journey with Destin unfolded:

Starting with Sexual Self-Mastery

To begin to address the issues I came to him with, I explored what Destin calls “sexual self mastery.” I learned about sound, breath, movement and visualization to gain both greater control and more pleasure. I learned through experience that my pleasure is not dependent on a partner, that I wasn’t bound by another’s participation or lack thereof. … My sexual power shifted to come from ME. I had been frustrated by her ‘control’, as I perceived it, and the lack of sex we were having. I was in a mindset of sexual scarcity. …

Under Destin’s guidance, I made a bucket list of 100 dreams, fantasies, experiences, and adventures that I want to experience in my life. The longest list was the ‘sexual adventures.’ This brought my wife into the process. In conversation with her about my list, it became clear that we both craved sexual adventure, a topic long-suppressed in our relationship.

Costa Rica: cracking the relationship open

The next few months brought incredible changes. First, in Costa Rica, Destin and I started to cross things off the list of 100. We had epic outdoor adventures such as rappelling down waterfalls, rock climbing, and cliff jumping. Then we brought my wife into the process, and our relationship was cracked wide open, into both beauty and shadow. I was asked to step into uncomfortable conversations that I didn’t realize were going to be uncomfortable. I did not see how repressed I was. … Brought to this edge, I was asked, was I fully in this relationship? Or when the shit hit the fan was I going to be out of there?

… With Destin’s guidance, Eve and I began talking about our relationship much more intimately, making sexploration a commitment…

San Diego: rewriting the story

Following our time in Costa Rica, I came to San Diego to work with Destin and a team of colleagues he had arranged for me. I released stories and ‘energies’ that don’t belong to me or aren’t for my highest good. … I was led to rewrite the story and affirm who I am NOW. This work was further grounded in our coaching work together with the addition of Destin’s partner, Elie, who would become an integral part of our work.

Coming back together

Eve then traveled to San Diego herself and began her own work with Destin, Elie, and their colleagues. … She shifted radically, born anew in her power and purpose. She brought this energy into our relationship and everything seemed to change between us. … I was able to freely express my feelings, both the excitement and the fear, to talk without shame or embarrassment. … Eve and I got together on a sexploration date and had a completely different experience, not the same old pattern sex, we changed things up, slowing down and playing. This was so different from all of the pressure that I used to feel.

This led to Eve and I coming together to celebrate the changes that have taken place over the past months. … Working together, Destin and Elie created the space for us to explore what we’d learned in our individual journeys with them. We opened to each other in ways that surpassed all of our prior intimacy, held in the utmost care by this beautiful couple. After our night at Destin’s home we continued our sexploration practice, and I was able [to] pleasure her in ways I never imagined, with more stamina, confidence and playfulness than ever, over several hours of intense lovemaking.

A different man

My life has changed. I am a different man today than the man I was six months ago. I have learned that there’s nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about in my life and what I want to experience sexually and otherwise. I feel good about the man that I am… I am communicating my feelings, bringing up what’s triggering me so to work through it quickly and not hold on to resentment or anger or confusion. I am becoming clear about my sexual desires and talking to my wife openly about them. I am learning not to take things personally. …

As I shift from scarcity to abundance, from insecurity and shut down to confidence and communication, from victim to opportunity, I am noticing that the focus of my being is also shifting. When I’m not caught up in the stories of my inadequacy I have room for more productive and creative pursuits. The world of possibilities is opening up in front of me. …

Before we began our work, my life lacked passion, purpose, confidence, commitment, self-trust, and fun. I can now say with certainty that I have all of these. My relationship with my wife is stronger than it has ever been. I will be forever grateful that I had the courage to say “yes” to this adventure with Destin.

— W.D., Bespoke private mentorship