#nationalcomingoutday My sexual journey has been… complex. Having spent my mid-teens to late-twenties arguably more connected to my feminine side than my masculine side, other people generally assumed that I was gay. Which had always confused me given how much I loved pussy (and women). At a certain point tho, I began wondering if other people knew something that I didn’t. And so began to explore other types of experiences. Bisexual never felt like it fit because (A) the emotions and desires that I felt towards women were way different than men, and (B) my explorations led me to experiences with individuals that transcended even female or male. I considered myself more ‘sexually open’ or an ‘erotic explorer’. If I had an orientation, it was towards Novelty. If I hadn’t had the experience before well, that was reason enough to have it. Yet, I also came to recognize that there was a big difference between my ‘sure, why not’ sexual experiences, and my deep carnal desires (which I have only experienced with women).
My other allergy to labels is because over the course of my adulthood, I had tried on straight, bi, queer, heteroflexible (this one somewhat resonates), but it seemed that no matter what label I spoke, other people would create stories about what that meant about me that didn’t match my truth.
So primarily, I just don’t speak much about such things. But I also recognize that especially as I have deepened the exploration of my own masculinity, and am in a highly committed monogamish relationship with the woman I intend to have children with, I am generally simply perceived as a white hetero man. And while I know that there are complexities in me that defy each of those labels, perception is a powerful thing, and with those perceptions come their own sets of privileges, which I continue to explore and understand.
I do ultimately believe that we will come to a point in our society in which these various labels of gay, lesbian, bi, trans, (etc), will eventually become quaint relics of our history, and we will increasingly feel free to simply be and follow our desires moment to moment without need to either squash it, deny it, nor create a whole identity based around it (along with a new set of behaviors that are and are not acceptable based on ‘who you are’).
And so today, I come out as me, as free, as having had a complex and varied sexual history just as I’ve had a complex and varied life history. Following my truth, moment to moment, and discovering myself along the way.
Wherever you are in your own journey, however you choose to work with or shun any particular labels or identities, I honor you, your choices, and your own process, and am committed to stand with you for a world in which all people are free to be fully expressed…