We are in the midst of a crisis in male sexuality.
On the one hand, women are rising up, coming together, claiming their power, finding their voice, even owning their sexuality. Society is responding by condemning the injustices perpetrated against women – assault, abuse and oppression of women is no longer acceptable, and the “dark side” of masculinity is being rejected. This is a good thing. This has left a generation of men, particularly young men, really confused. I have worked with so many men over the years who have internalized the demonization of male sexuality. They hear all the messages about unhealthy sexual expression, they’re horrified by the competitive aggressive behavior of their fathers’ generation, and they don’t want to be “that guy.” But they are so committed to not being “that guy” that something’s been lost. It’s as if they’ve disconnected from a core aspect of their sexuality and masculine essence. It has left many men feeling lost, lacking purpose, and maybe even resentful of strong women whom they see as robbing them of their inner strength. And at the same time, strong women are crying out in frustration, asking “Why does it seem that I have to choose between a strong man who treats me poorly, or a man who treats me well but lacks a spine?” Perhaps this confusion has caused you to mistrust your partner, to the point where conflict is the norm. This problem is magnified by the lack of positive male role models in so many men’s lives.
Many men have grown up without a strong, positive male role model, many having a very limited relationship, if any, with their fathers and few to no other good male role models to look to. Is there a place for good, strong men? What does that even mean? Does masculine sexual expression have to be violent and hurtful? Where do we find examples of positive masculine sexual expression? Certainly not in porn, or the media. And how do we embody that positive masculine expression without becoming manipulative, abusive or violent? This is an area I have struggled with myself. I spent many years completely disconnected from my masculine core. Eight years ago, I finally realized how out of balance I had become, and set out to actively explore my masculinity and what it means to be a man. I took it upon myself to reclaim my masculine identity and sexual expression. It was a long (and imperfect) journey to reprogram myself and heal my relationship to my masculinity, my relationship to other men and my relationship with women. But ultimately, I found my path. In the time since, I have worked with hundreds of men to help them reclaim their masculine essence, find their true balance of masculine/feminine energies within, and become the fully Embodied Man they have the capacity to step into being. It’s time for today’s men to dive deep into our own internal sexual revolution, to become the powerful men that women are craving without being the oppressive men who caused so many of the problems in the first place. It’s time to have this discussion.